


Repercussions

by Cat_Moon



Series: Half Breed: Season Three [1]
Category: Moonlight (TV)
Genre: F/M, M/M, Multi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-11-09
Updated: 2014-11-09
Packaged: 2018-02-24 17:28:36
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 4
Words: 7,420
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2590061
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Cat_Moon/pseuds/Cat_Moon
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>This story picks up from the end of last season; instead of returning to Alaska with Sara, Shane stayed in L.A. an extra day or so to spend some quality time with Josef after his billboard surprise.  When something terrible happens, both men live to regret it...</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Prologue

  
It wasn’t exactly like waking up from sleep, more like one instant knowing nothing and the next being aware. Sara blinked against the darkness, struggling to orient herself. She was alone. There were muted sounds in the distance, voices and music. Anxiety began taking root in her stomach immediately, as her brain started filling in the blanks with images.  
  
It was unendurably boring in Alaska without Shane there, so while waiting for him to return from L.A. Sara had decided to drive down to Fairbanks to attend the party being thrown by some of the students she’d gone to college with. The frat house was packed; it seemed like almost everyone from campus was there. She arrived, talked to a few people she knew, grabbed a drink and then… what?  
  
Sara next found herself upstairs in one of the bedrooms, on the bed. She knew what had happened, although her mind tried to deny it. Scooting up against the headboard, she drew her knees to her chest and wrapped her arms around them, pulse racing and breathing quickening with the increase of panic. She’d never hyperventilated, but she thought perhaps this was what it was like.  
  
The brief flashes of memory continued. Feeling dizzy and disoriented, being helped upstairs by…someone. Who? Hands on her body, where they had no permission to go. Holding her down on the bed even though she was too out of it to struggle, a body pressing against hers. Alcohol drenched breath washing over her as the face finally swam into view…Neil Harrison.  
  
Sara felt tears begin sliding down her face. Neil had been none too happy when she ‘broke up with him’ last year, even though to her mind they’d only had a casual dating thing going. He had seemed coolly indifferent when they ran into each other tonight; she never noticed his eyes watching her or how he slipped something into her drink when her attention was distracted.  
  
 _Shane._  
  
 _Oh my god…oh my god… oh my god,_ her mind repeated the mantra. The thought of Shane and how he was going to react to this caused her anxiety to skyrocket. She tried to rein it in, knowing that out of control emotions weren’t going to help her here. She needed a plan, something to focus her mind upon _now_ rather than dwell on what happened in the past hour and what was going to happen in the future.  
  
Finally Sara was calm enough to act. Holding the dizziness and nausea at bay through sheer force of will, she got to her feet. Retrieving her underwear from where it had been carelessly tossed onto the floor, she pulled herself together and, not able to face anyone, snuck out of the house to the safety of her car.  
  
Sara was five miles away from Fairbanks when the entire reaction hit, and she had to pull the car over to the side of the road as the sobs shook her body and tears obscured her vision of the road.  
  



	2. It's Me You're Talking To

  
Sara had stalled the inevitable as long as she could. The laundry was done, the place was cleaner than it ever had been, even the CD’s were now arranged in alphabetical order. There was only one thing left to do. She picked up the phone and dialed his number. As she listened to the rings her stomach clenched with nerves.  
  
“Hey, babe,” Shane’s cheerful voice reached her ears a moment later.  
  
He sounded so happy, normal. She wished she could turn back time, go back to last week when everything really was okay. “Hey,” she said. “Listen, I’m not gonna meet you at the airport, okay? I’m not feeling too good, so I’ll just see you at home.”  
  
The way she was feeling, her excuse wasn’t all that much of a lie. She couldn’t deal with facing him publicly, she wouldn’t be able to hide that something had happened, and…it was just better this way.  
  
“What’s wrong?” His response wasn’t unexpected either, as close as they were she’d expected it.  
  
“I’m okay, I’ll just see you when you get home.”  
  
“Okay,” he said, clearly not convinced, no surprise there.  
  
Sara hung up, and then went to take her second shower of the day.

  
XXX

  
When Shane walked into the bedroom several hours later, Sara was in bed in her pajamas, a tub of ice cream in her lap. Comfort food, comfort clothes, comfort location… He briefly wondered how she could feel so safe here in the room where she almost died a few months ago. Anxiety was coming off her in waves. That wouldn’t do, he had to get to the bottom of things. He held out his hand for the container.  
  
When she gave the ice cream to him, he put it away in the freezer and then returned to Sara. Sitting on the bed next to her, he put his arm around her.  
  
“Okay. Now you can tell me what’s wrong.”  
  
Sara snuggled into his embrace. “Just don’t let go, okay?”  
  
“Never,” he promised, and waited. When he decided he’d waited long enough, he opened his mouth to speak, but Sara beat him to it.  
  
“I don’t know how to tell you.”  
  
Shane tightened his hold, his own anxiety growing. “You can tell me _anything_ , you know that. This is _me_.”  
  
“Something happened.”  
  
“What?” he prompted, working to keep his own worry controlled so she wouldn’t be affected by it. She wasn’t even looking at him, and that didn’t bode well.  
  
“At the party.”  
  
Obviously he was going to get the story a few words at a time. “The one on campus the other night?” He felt her nod against his shoulder.  
  
“Someone slipped something into my drink.”  
  
Shane stiffened, but he refused to let his mind connect the dots, not wanting to know a second sooner than he had to. “What happened then?” he asked in a voice forced soft.  
  
“The next thing I knew I was upstairs in one of the bedrooms. The rest of it’s just flashes and brief images. You know…being held down on the bed, stuff like that.” She hoped her desire not to explain it in any more detail was accepted.  
  
Shane closed his eyes, feeling the vampire in him changing them as the rage built. There was a brief struggle as he fought to keep it in check, wanting to project only support and love to Sara. “Do you know who it was?” he asked in a controlled voice  
  
This time there was only a small pause. “Neil Harrison. The guy I dated when I was at college.”  
  
Rage, plans of revenge, these were comforting emotions. They provided a focus, distraction from other feelings not so easily lived with. He forced himself to ask the next question, for her sake. “Do you want to handle this officially, press charges? It’s your decision.”  
  
“Hell, no,” she answered firmly. “I just want to forget it ever happened.”  
  
“I’ll take care of it,” he told her.  
  
Whether Shane would have been able to honor her decision if she’d said yes… well, he was just as glad it hadn’t come to that. It wasn’t only the fury in his blood that was screaming for vengeance, it was a bad precedent to set. Vampires lived by different rules than mortals, and it had to be that way. You couldn’t let other vamps think that it was okay to touch your own, and that you’d just abide by the ineffectual, ridiculous human laws.  
  
What now? What was he supposed to do, say? Now that the other stuff was out of the way, he felt like he was floundering. It wasn’t a situation he’d ever had to deal with before, he had no clue. If she was waiting for something, he didn’t know what it was. He had all he could do to keep a lid on the rage that was waiting to be let loose. Mixed as it was with sorrow and guilt it was all he could concentrate on.  
  
“I’m sorry,” Sara whispered, and it was so similar to what _he_ was thinking that it took him a moment to realize it was her speaking.  
  
“No,” he growled. “I should have been here.”  
  
“I don’t want you to be upset.” Her voice was small, unsure, vulnerable.  
  
Shane hated that voice; it was too different from her usual confident, strong personality. “Do you….are you…okay? Physically?”  
  
“He didn’t hurt me.”  
  
Shane wanted to scream, smash something (more like some-one). Fought to keep them all inside. _I’m supposed to do something. Say something. What the hell do I need to do?! I don’t know! I don’t know… I’ll ask Sara._  
  
“What do you need me to do?”  
  
“I don’t want you to hurt.”  
  
“When you hurt, I hurt.”  
  
“I think you hurt _more_ than I do.” She seemed to gain some strength and calm from Shane’s opposite. “I don’t want to make a big deal out of this. I just want to forget about it.”  
  
Shane may be clueless, but he was pretty sure that wasn’t the answer.  
  
“Sing to me.”  
  
This he could do, it was his forte. His gift. He picked up his guitar and began. As usual, it relaxed her immediately.  
  
 _She tells me secrets, tells me truth, tells me lies_  
 _I know she loves me when she looks into my eyes_  
 _I feel her every breath, I know her every move_  
 _It’s just me she’s talking to_  
 _It’s just me. You and me._  
\--Bret Michaels  
  
  
“Remember,” he told Sara as she began to drift off. “You’re the best thing that ever happened to me.”  
  
“Missed you…” she whispered, as sleep claimed her.

  
  
XXX

  
Once Sara was asleep, Shane went outside. It was a good thing he’d decided not to put the house on the market, because he didn’t think the new holes he’d put in the aluminum siding would have been a selling point. After the broken bones and cuts healed, he went inside and swallowed a glass of O negative. Feeling marginally better, it was time to tackle the next difficult task.  
  
Shane sat and stared at the phone for a long time. Finally, he picked it up and dialed Josef’s number.

  
XXX

  
Josef stared at the phone for a long time. There were a lot of feelings and thoughts swirling through his mind, all fighting to get top billing. Shane had delivered the news in a neutral, unemotional way that concealed nothing to the man who knew him best. The things unspoken between them hung in the air like a cloud overhead. Josef barely remembered what he’d said, something vaguely sympathetic, he was sure. The words didn’t matter, since Shane could read beyond them as well.  
  
It occurred to him, in a moment of uneasy selfishness, that out of the people closest to him, he was the only one who had no one to turn to right now, for comfort, to lean on…  
  
Or, he realized, perhaps he did.

  
  
XXX

  
It was an odd time of night for visitors for most people, but when you lived with a vampire it was pretty typical. When Beth opened the door, Josef was standing there looking distant, distracted, as if his mind was one thousand miles away.  
  
“I said, hello,” she repeated when he didn’t seem to hear her the first time. “You want to come in?” she gestured, stepping inside. He followed. “Mick’s not home.”  
  
“I know,” Josef said. “It’s uh, you I’m here to see. I find the need to talk to someone, so…” He wandered over to the chair he usually appropriated when there, and sat down.  
  
“Can I offer you some A positive?” Beth asked, ever the good hostess.  
  
“Thank you.”  
  
Beth got him the blood and sat down on the couch, waiting. You didn’t rush someone like Josef; you let him go at his own pace if you wanted to get anywhere.  
  
Josef sat there staring at the ceiling for awhile. Finally, he turned his head to regard her. “This is in confidence,” he began.  
  
“I can keep a secret, you know that,” Beth assured him.  
  
“Sara was raped at a party the other night.”  
  
Beth gasped. “Oh my god! She is okay?”  
  
Josef paused. “I don’t know. I guess Shane doesn’t know yet either. The fact of the matter is, he was supposed to be with her in Alaska that night. Instead he was here. With me.” He stood up. “Because I’m a selfish, arrogant, PRICK!” he yelled, throwing the glass violently across the room. It smashed against the front of the refrigerator, shattering into a million pieces.  
  
“Josef—“  
  
“I’ll clean that up,” he interjected quickly. He busied himself with the job for the next few minutes, uncaring of the slivers that occasionally cut his hands as he got the glass picked up.  
  
When the area was once again spotless, Josef returned to the living room, sitting beside Beth on the couch.  
  
Beth slid her arm though his and rested her head on his shoulder, offering silent support. “Well, that sucks,” she said eventually.  
  
The abrupt comment made Josef sputter in surprised laughter despite the circumstances. “That’s a mild way of putting it,” he agreed.  
  
“Well, I _am_ a lady,” Beth teased, getting another chuckled out of him.  
  
“And you’re a one of a kind lady, Nora,” he told her, kissing her on the forehead.  
  
“I know it doesn’t feel like it right now, but it’s going to be okay. Life can throw some hard stuff at us, but we can handle it anything.”  
  
“How can you be so sure?” Josef asked, wanting to believe in the conviction in her voice.  
  
“The love we all have for each other will get us through.”

 


	3. Consequences

 

  
  
“What the hell is this?!”  
  
Shane turned around from where he was putting some groceries away that he’d gotten for Sara. She was standing there, one hand on her hip the other fisting the pamphlet on rape he’d picked up while out.  
  
“I told you I didn’t need any of this crap!”  
  
He snatched the pamphlet from her hand, holding it protectively. “It’s not for you, it’s for me.”  
  
“You?”  
  
He rubbed a hand over his face. “Look, I’m just trying to…” _Understand? No, I don’t think she’d like that answer._   “Uh, I don’t know…I just want to be informed,” he finally settled on saying. Lately she wasn’t in the best of moods. He didn’t think he ever remembered her being mad at _him_ before, he didn’t much like it.  
  
“Who the hell are you and what have you done with my Shane?!” she demanded.  
  
“Fuck,” Shane murmured helplessly. He wondered if she knew how much that remark had hurt. They’d always gotten along so perfectly, he hated the tension between them now. He tossed the pamphlet onto the kitchen table.  
  
Sara spun around so that her back was to him. “So everything’s different now, and you don’t see me the same way you used to, is that it?”  
  
Shane stepped up behind her, taking her shoulders in his hand. “No. You’re still my wild child,” he said, hoping to make her feel better.  
  
“Then why are you treating me differently?” she asked plaintively.  
  
Shane wrapped his arms around her neck. “I’m trying to be the understanding, sympathetic, helpful boyfriend,” he said with wry amusement. “Why, am I doing that lousy of a job at it?”  
  
Sara turned around, slipping her arms around his waist. “I just want you to be _you_. Then I can be me.”  
  
They stood there for awhile, taking comfort from each other.  
  
“Okay,” he finally began. “But both me and the understanding boyfriend want you to go see a doctor.”  
  
She tried to escape the embrace, but Shane wouldn’t let her go. “Why?” she wanted to know.  
  
He forced the unwanted words out of his mouth. “After…incidents like this, they check for STD’s, stuff like that.”  
  
“Okay, fine, I get that,” she said. “So if I’m noticing any symptoms then I’ll get checked out. It’s not like I could give anything to you, and if I did have something serious, well, so you turn me.”  
  
“What if you only had something really annoying but not life threatening?” he countered. “It would be a lot easier to know right away, rather than wait until you’re suffering then get treatment.” An idea came to him then, something that should convince her. “You might not be able to have sex for awhile,” he warned her. Then he winced, wanting to bite his tongue for his faux pas. It was a subject he hadn’t brought up in the two days he’d been back, and had wanted to follow her lead there.  
  
“Okay, I’ll make an appointment,” she conceded readily.  
  
 _Oh my god,_ he realized. _We’ve gone two days together without sex_.   Her words about him treating her differently came back to him. It hadn’t occurred to him that she might view his careful behavior as a rejection, but it was glaringly obvious now that he thought about it. He was waiting for _her_ to make the first move, but she might be waiting for him.  
  
Shane held her away from him by the shoulders so he could look at her. “I’ve been an idiot, haven’t I?”  
  
She nodded and hugged him again. “You’ve been known to be one once in awhile,” she agreed with a smile in her voice. “But I love you anyway.”  
  
“Gee, thanks,” he said dryly. “Look, the sooner we both do what we gotta do, the sooner we can put this all behind us.”  
  
That was a sentiment Sara could agree with.  
  
XXX  
  
The night Shane had waited and planned for had arrived. He would wait no longer; the rage inside him wasn’t something that should be held inside for too long. It required action. He paced the living room impatiently, like a caged tiger. Waiting. Finally he felt a familiar presence, and a minute later heard a car pulling smoothly to the curb. It was only when footsteps approached his door that he felt something else, butterflies settling in his stomach. He’d never had a reaction like this before, he was actually nervous as he opened the door, before the knock ever came, and was face to face with Josef for the first time since what happened. It had only been a couple of days, but felt like months.  
  
Josef apparently felt the same way, judging by the way they both stood there silently, looking at each other. And then, a truly odd thing happened. They found themselves in an embrace, holding on tightly. Giving and receiving comfort. No words needed to be said, the unspoken between them was as loud as screams.  
  
“Thanks for coming,” Shane said in a rough voice when they moved apart. He reached out and squeezed Josef’s hand briefly.  
  
“You don’t need to thank me,” Josef responded in a voice that telegraphed his self-castigation to the man who knew him so well.  
  
Shane wasn’t ready to face all that yet, and he didn’t want to be distracted from the job at hand. Josef’s presence there was probably a symptom of paranoia, but he just couldn’t bring himself to leave Sara alone for any length of time right now, and there was only one person he trusted to keep her safe while he was out.  
  
“Sara’s asleep,” Shane said as Josef settled himself on the couch. He ran a hand over his face. “Uh, some things you need to know. We don’t use the R word here. And up front…” he paused awkwardly. “I’m celibate right now. I will be until Sara’s… better,” he finished lamely. After their talk this morning, he got the feeling things were going to be okay in that area, but he didn’t want to assume anything until they’d had a chance to discuss it.  
  
Josef’s expression remained neutral. Shane knew the declaration had caught him off guard, but in a departure from the usual he made no snarky comment. “How long will you be gone?”  
  
“It’s gonna take me a few hours to get there and back. I should be home before daybreak.”  
  
Josef’s face hardened, a hint of vamp peeking out. “Terminate with extreme prejudice,” he growled.  
  
“And then some,” Shane agreed, his eyes paling at the promise.  
  


XXX

  
It was his worst nightmare, more terrifying than anything seen in a horror movie. Snarling like a wild animal, but with a frightening human intelligence in the chilling pale eyes pinning him, it made Dracula look tame by comparison.  
  
“Kneel, Neil!” it demanded in a guttural growl.  
  
Gulping, he obeyed the order, sinking to his knees on the cold, wet ground, his body shaking though he barely felt the cold.  
  
It grabbed his hair in a painful grip that brought tears to his eyes, yanking his head up. “Nobody touches what belongs to _me_.”  
  
“I—I’m sorry…” he babbled.  
  
“Sorry doesn’t fucking cut it,” the inhuman thing snarled, pulling out a hunk of hair.  
  
Neil yelled out in pain, trying to shrink away. There was nowhere to go.  
  
“You have forfeited your life.”  
  
His shaking intensified as he realized there was no way out, no hope of escape. Trying to avoid looking at the thing towering over him, he kept his head down. He couldn’t see the dark stain spreading over the front of his pants, but he sensed that _it_ could, its tone turning mocking.  
  
“You don’t deserve to live,” the vampire told him. “You are a coward and a pathetic excuse for a man who has to force women to have sex with him.” The monster leaned closer, breath cold on his cheek. “Do you want to know what it’s like to be fucked without your consent?” it whispered.  
  
“No, please…” he begged.  
  
It tilted its head sideways, considering. “It is a fate worse than death, then?” it asked.  
  
“Just…just please kill me.”  
  
“With pleasure. That will be mine, not yours.”  
  
Screams filled the empty expanse of Alaskan wilderness for long minutes, before fading to silence. When all was again quiet and empty of life, there was barely enough left for the animals to enjoy.  
  


XXX

  
Josef watched TV, not really seeing it. It was a mindless act just for something to do. He changed channels at random, never settling on one long enough to know what he was watching.  
  
Hearing approaching footsteps, he turned his head to see Sara hovering in the doorway, dressed in flannel pajamas that were very unlike her usual bed attire.  
  
“Hi.”  
  
“Hi,” he returned. It was inevitable he’d have to face her eventually, but it was uncomfortable none the less. He didn’t know what Shane had told her, hadn’t thought to ask. _Does she know what Shane and I were doing in L.A. while she was here being…_ He cut that line of thought off ruthlessly.  
  
Sara moved into the room, coming over and sitting down beside him on the couch. “What are you watching?” she asked.  
  
“I have no idea,” he admitted.  
  
“Is that a re-run?” she quipped, making him feel slightly more at ease.  
  
They watched together in silence for awhile. Josef thought about the advice Beth had given him. Be careful of what you say, take your lead from Sara. She had wanted to come with him, but Sara had been vehement that no one else know. She hadn’t even told her Aunt Pat.  
  
“If it weren’t for me, this wouldn’t have happened to you,” Josef began, keeping his eyes fixed ahead on the television. “You don’t know how sorry I am about that.”  
  
“How do you figure that?” Sara asked. He could detect only curiosity in her tone.  
  
“Shane stayed in L.A. because of me.”  
  
“You forced him to?”  
  
He knew by the teasing in her voice that she wasn’t expecting his answer. “Yeah, in a way I did.”  
  
Josef was surprised when Sara scooted closer, taking his arm and ducking under, keeping hold of his hand. “And I shouldn’t have gone away to college, dated Neil for just for sex. I should have talked to Shane.”  
  
“That doesn’t make it your fault,” Josef told her firmly. “Guys like him don’t need an excuse, believe me. Human males… Underneath the posturing they’re insecure about their masculinity. They measure themselves against their sports and movie heroes, and find themselves lacking. So you take Joe Schmo who’s never been in a fight in his life, and the most heroic thing he’s ever done is give up his seat on the bus to an old lady… he needs a way to feel powerful. For some reason, some of them think it makes them manlier to prey on those who aren’t able to defend themselves.”  
  
“Are you saying vampire men never do that?”  
  
“I think we’ve already had that talk. If it makes you feel any better though, we pretty much view human men and women equally weak.”  
  
“I think I know where the vampire allure comes from,” Sara said unexpectedly. He raised his eyebrow for her to continue. “Well, even with humans, when someone is full of self confidence, feels strong and powerful, they don’t have to prove anything to anybody… that’s sexy.”  
  
“And then these human women come along and make us feel totally useless and stupid,” Josef added wryly.  
  
“Have you been talking to my idiot?” she asked.  
  
“Shane just generally suffers from moments of supreme denseness.” Sara giggled. Josef thought it was a good sign. “Do you want to borrow my brick?”  
  
“Brick?”  
  
“Yeah, I’ve got this brick with Shane’s name on it. So if he’s being dense I can hit him in the head with it.”  
  
“You’re so bad,” Sara said, but she was laughing.  
  
“You should probably hate me,” Josef told her. Since they were on the subject of Shane, it was a conversation that was probably overdue.  
  
“You should probably hate _me_ ,” Sara unexpectedly countered.  
  
“Why don’t you?” Josef asked. _I monopolized her boyfriend, took him from her when she needed him the most, killed her great aunt…what else did I do? I know I must have done something else…_  
  
“I have a lot of reasons, actually. I know how you feel about Shane…because I feel the same way.” She sighed, as if frustrated with her inability to express herself the way she wanted. “Look, you’ve been there for four hundred years, I’ve only known him four.”  
  
Was she implying that she was insecure too? Despite the fact that he wasn’t a big fan of heart-to-hearts, the conversation was shedding an interesting light on some things.  
  
“Anything that’s important to Shane is important to me,” he took his turn answering the question. “It’s not easy to win his heart, so I knew when you did that you had to be something special.”  
  
Sara ducked her head, embarrassed by the compliment.  
  
Josef wanted to tell her more, try to explain how he’d come to realize that he and Shane needed her, she made their relationship stronger… but there might be a better time for that later. “I’m selfish,” he told her matter-of-factly, offering no excuses or promises.   
  
“And now you have to share,” Sara said. “I wasn’t exactly expecting _you_ either,” she added wryly. “We’re kinda in the same boat.”  
  
“The U.S.S Shane?” he queried with an impish grin.  
  
“Maybe we need to work together to keep this boat afloat,” she offered tentatively.  
  
It was an intriguing idea, but one that made him slightly nervous. It was uncharted territory, and he’d already mapped so much of that lately that the comfortable known was more appealing. “What exactly do you mean?” he asked.  
  
Sara shrugged. “We could just take it one day at a time, and figure it out as we go.”  
  
“We can do that,” Josef agreed.  
  
“Well, I’m going back to bed,” Sara announced, rising. Instead of leaving the room right away, she detoured behind the couch, putting her arms around Josef’s neck, her mouth close to his ear. “Some of those other reasons. You’re sweet, and caring, and I love you.”  
  
With a quick kiss on the cheek she was gone, leaving a stunned Josef behind.

 


	4. Corollary

  
_Another night slowly closes in, and I feel so lonely_  
 _Touching heat freezing on my skin, I pretend you still hold me_  
 _I’m into too far; I’m in way too deep over you_  
 _You’ll always be the one_  
 _You were the first you’ll be the last…_  
\--The Flame, Cheap Trick  


  
Josef was watching a vampire movie on cable when Shane returned several hours later. Those were always good for a laugh, and it had proven a welcome distraction while he waited to see what would happen next. He felt as if _he_ was in a movie, watching himself and the others act out their roles from afar, a part of things yet detached.  
  
Shane hung his jacket on the hook by the door and came around the couch, sitting on the other end.  
  
“Feel better?” Josef inquired when he didn’t speak.  
  
“Retribution is often necessary, but it doesn’t change anything that’s happened.”  
  
Josef had thought it would help, offer some kind of closure, he was alarmed that it didn’t seem to be the case. He hated the awkwardness between them now, especially so soon after... “Well it makes _me_ feel better,” he said.  
  
Shane rubbed his hands over his face wearily. “Every time she’s needed me I haven’t been there for her. What kind of a boyfriend am I? I failed her again.”  
  
Josef wanted to protest, to say something, anything. Instead he remained silent. Whatever Shane’s sins, most of them were because of Josef. He’d recently experienced the best day of his life, he now wondered if the worst was looming up ahead.  
  
“We used to get along so well, were so simpatico. Now I can’t do anything right. Do you know how much that hurts me? And it’s _my_  fault. I don’t know how to get through this.”  
  
Comforting Shane? The idea of having to was so bizarre that Josef found himself again in unknown waters. Then he remembered what Sara had said. He slid closer to the body next to him and laid a tentative hand on his knee. “One day at a time,” he ventured.  
  
Shane continued as if not hearing. “I haven’t been paying enough attention to her, I’ve been distracted. We only just got together. I should have been here.”  
  
 _Distracted with me._  
  
The guilt, regret, something Shane rarely dwelled upon, prior to this it always revolved around Josef. When it involved him he was too wrapped up in it to be objective, but now that he was observing Shane with someone else, he realized he was seeing the beginnings of his and Shane’s relationship echoed right here, with Sara. It was an eye opener. He was starting to understand so much more than he ever had before.  
  
“Did you know I’m only the second man she’s had sex with?” Shane told him.  
  
It was like déjà vu. _I see now_. Feeling responsible, guilt because he thought he should have been there and prevented what happened. In this case just starting, but in theirs influencing the way they related to each other for four hundred years…  
  
“Stop right there,” Josef demanded as the words he needed came to him. “Don’t make the same mistake with Sara that you made with me.” That got Shane’s full attention, so he continued. “She can take care of herself. You don’t want to adopt the role of protector to her, always having to be strong and in control, for her. I don’t think you want that kind of relationship with Sara. I think you want to be equals.”  
  
Shane stared at him for a long time, absorbing his words.  
  
“Don’t do that to her,” Josef added quietly. “She’s strong, tough. She’ll be okay.”  
  
“I guess… I have a lot of thinking to do,” Shane responded, looking away.  
  
They both kept counsel with their own thoughts for awhile, then Shane sighed and rose from the couch. “It’s almost dawn. Go ahead and take the freezer, I probably won’t be getting any shut eye anyway. I want to stay with Sara.”  
  
“Well then, one of us is going to need to be rested,” Josef agreed.  
  
XXX  
  
Shane had a freezer in the basement, now that he had ‘disabled’ the freezing unit for his room and no longer used it. Josef made his way down, loosening his tie and beginning to undress as he went. Ice cold oblivion beckoned incitingly. As he took his first look at the new addition, his hands stopped abruptly, fingers stilled in the middle of undoing buttons.  
  
The freezer was a double.  
  
Josef wondered what Shane’s motivation was in buying it… or who. It sat there under the subdued lighting, mocking him. The awkwardness between them tonight had been uncomfortable, felt wrong, yet he didn’t know how to fix it. He stared at the freezer, wondering if he’d ever get to share with Shane again.  
  
In the stillness of the early hour, he could hear humanity slowly rising for another day. Somewhere down the road, someone had the radio on. Words of a song drifted to him. _You were the first, you’ll be the last._ And that was his simple truth.  
  
 _What’s going to happen to us now?_

  
XXX

  
Shane wearily made his way to the bedroom, thinking about the things Josef had said. It was something that he couldn’t approach directly; it would have to percolate inside his head for awhile. Then maybe he would know what to do with it.  
  
The light was out and Sara was in bed. She’d kicked off the covers in sleep; instead of the pajamas she’d been in when he left, she was wearing one of his denim shirts. All he wanted to do now was lay there and watch her sleep.  
  
Shane peeled off clothing, stopping when he got to his briefs. He slid into bed and turned on his side, head propped in his hand as he prepared to watch over her slumber. Her breathing was slow, even…but not quite the right rhythm of sleep…  
  
He didn’t have time to wonder much more, because the next thing he knew she had pounced and he had his arms full of a grinning Sara.  
  
“Where you playing possum on me?” he asked playfully.  
  
“I decided I was tired of waiting for you to make the first move,” she told him.  
  
“Works for me.”  
  
“Good. So shut up, lay there, and take it like a man.”  
  
Shane thought about her abrupt change in mood as she began to kiss a trail from his jaw line, making her way slowly down his neck, headed for his chest. Maybe this was just what she needed, to be in charge of her body and what she did with it again.  
  
“You’re thinking too much,” she accused, snaking her hand into his underwear and grabbing him.  
  
He almost levitated off the bed.  
  
“Now that I have your complete attention…”  
  
“You’ve always had my attention. Do your worst,” he told her with a feigned resignation, letting his arms fall to his sides in surrender.  
  
As her lips and mouth continued trailing wetness over his chest and stomach, Shane’s eyes paled in reaction to the pleasure. He fought to remain still and let her lead, but couldn’t help the arm that rose to her hip, the crease where leg met body. Fingertips enjoyed the soft smooth skin there, then slowly slid around to the curve of butt. There was no underwear to hamper them as they reached further, stroked her before pressing inside. His attention was focused on her every response, alert for any sign of negative reaction.  
  
Sara sat up and straddled his body. A look passed between them even in the darkness of the room.  
  
“I want my most recent memory to be of you,” she whispered.  
  
Shane plunged his hands into her hair, bringing her face down to his lips. As the long, passionate kiss went on, he felt the connection between them snapping back into place. When it finally ended, he reached up to unbutton the shirt. He slid it off, taking in her body with hungry eyes.  
  
“I always want you,” he assured her, letting her know he had never stopped desiring her, what happened had not changed how he felt about her. He lifted his hips as she pushed his underwear off, and then the last cloth barrier between them was gone.  
  
The show Shane was being treated to continued as Sara reached down to pleasure herself. Her breasts took his attention, bobbing with her movements. He cupped one, thumb rubbing back and forth across a nipple as it hardened. He pinched it between thumb and forefinger, and Sara cried out at the stimulation. She raised herself up and guided herself down onto him. He held her hips, helping to steady her as she moved.  
  
He lost himself in her as the passion built. The sounds of her pleasure filled his ears; the smell of their desire was heavy on the air. The flesh under his hands was supple and warm, wet with gathering sweat, and his eyes feasted on the sight of her lost in the moment. He still carried the taste of her from their kisses, but he needed more of the final sense. He dipped a finger into the wetness where their bodies were joined, bringing it to his mouth and letting the taste explode on his tongue.  
  
Almost before he realized it they were both close to the edge. A little extra stimulation for her and she was plunging over, taking him with her.

  
XXX

  
“I was going to treat you to a Shane special,” he told her afterward, when they were lying tangled up together. He’d had a vague plan to love her slowly, worship her with his body as he’d done once before, to replace the other memories with him.  
  
“Save it for next time,” Sara told him with a satisfied grin.  
  
“There’s something I wanted to share with you,” he began hesitantly, not sure any longer that he should bring up the subject again.  
  
“You can share anything with me,” Sara told him.  
  
“I’d never been with a guy before I became a vampire. When I’m from, well, we wouldn’t have even entertained the thought. My sire, Max, he was a total hedonist. If it felt good, he did it.”  
  
“And he was your first?” Sara asked in a quiet tone, respecting the confession.  
  
“A sire bond, it’s hard to explain unless you’ve experienced it. It can be very intense. I’m not saying it’s _anywhere_ near the same as what happened to you,” he hastily assured her.  
  
Sara sat straight up in bed at his words. “You mean he forced himself on you?” she said, sounding as if she’d want to kick the shit out of Max if it was true. And if he wasn’t already dead.  
  
“No.” He shifted as she settled back down, uncomfortable with the subject but feeling like he owed it to her to continue. “But maybe… he took advantage of certain situations. You know vampires don’t exactly see sex and love the same way as humans do. And after you’ve been alive several centuries chances are there’s not going to be much you haven’t tried. If you like it, you keep trying it.”  
  
“So he took advantage of you?” Sara said, trying to grasp his meaning.  
  
It had seemed like a good idea when he started, sharing his own experience with her, but now he found he wanted to drop the subject.  
  
A successful Viking warrior knows the strategies of battle. When to attack, when to retreat. Maximilian had something he needed, information. He needed to learn the ropes of vampirism, how to survive and thrive. So he had to bide his time, play Max’s games and let him think he had his fledgling under his control. When Shane was ready, he left. Maybe he’d underestimated the sire bond too, because he found himself returning every once in awhile, to what was now the only “home” he knew. And then Josef came along. He should have killed Max then, but he didn’t. Not until he realized that he had to break the bond that would destroy Josef if he didn’t.  
  
“He used people,” Shane responded vaguely. “There are a lot of users in this world, vamp and human. Sometimes you see them coming and sometimes you don’t.”  
  
“What about Josef?” she asked.  
  
Shane sighed. “I’m not ready to talk about all that just yet,” he apologized. Her question had given him an opening to move onto another topic though. It wasn’t one he particularly looked forward to either, but his innate honesty demanded it. She deserved to know exactly why he hadn’t been with her. “Speaking of Josef…”  
  
“Yes?” she prompted when he didn’t elaborate right away.  
  
“After the memorial when he was upset and I look him home… he told me he was in love with me.”  
  
“What did you say?” she asked, her lack of surprise notable.  
  
“Nothing,” he admitted in a near whisper, feeling the guilt gathering again. He pinched the bridge of his nose. “I just… Josef and I never did think the same way about certain things. Sometimes I think the only things we have in common are bad memories.”  
  
“You have good memories too,” Sara reminded, slipping her arm through his. Her expression was troubled though.  
  
“I think… I’ve hurt him so much… I couldn’t hurt him anymore,” Shane told her, cursing the moisture gathering in his eyes. Sara remained silent, waiting for him to continue. “He accused me of being dense, and asked if he had to put it on a billboard. So I did.”  
  
“Did what?” she asked, looking as if she knew but was seeking corroboration.  
  
“Told him I was in love with him on a billboard.”  
  
“Oh my god!” she exclaimed, hand over her mouth in stunned reaction.  
  
Shane studied her. She was wide eyed, but nothing in her face said she was taking it badly. “I was going to fly back here with you as planned, but then I realized he’d probably be pissed at me if I did. So I stayed to talk to him in person. That’s why I wasn’t here.” Confession complete, he waited.  
  
He could see her mind working, and as it did her expression changed, clouded. Her eyes looked suspiciously moist. “So you told him, and then… this happened to me… and now he’s downstairs all alone?”  
  
Shane blinked at her, not quite sure what was going on.  
  
“Go get him right now!” she ordered, hitting him on the arm for emphasis.  
  
Shane choked out a surprised and emotional laugh.  
  
“He needs to be here,” she urged.  
  
Shane did the only thing he could. He got out of bed, saluted her, and with a “yes ma’am,” he grabbed his robe and headed downstairs.  


XXX

  
Josef opened his eyes to see Shane standing over the opened freezer. “It’s not sunset already,” he said, sitting up.  
  
Shane was wearing a sheepish expression. “Sara requests your presence upstairs,” he told him with a wry half-grin.  
  
“Is she all right?” he asked, instantly alert.  
  
“Seems to be,” Shane assured.  
  
“Why…” He sensed Shane wasn’t going to elaborate. With some trepidation, he climbed out of the freezer, snagging the robe hanging over the back of a chair and following Shane. The vibes were weird to say the least; he had no idea what awaited him.  
  
Josef stopped in the doorway of the bedroom, causing Shane to almost run into him. Sara was in bed, a sheet covering her. It didn’t take a vampire to figure out recent events… He stood there, uncertain, feeling uncomfortably like an interloper despite the summons.  
  
“Get over here, you!” Sara motioned with her hand, her voice affectionate.  
  
Josef shuffled to the edge of the bed. When he was close enough, Sara reached up and yanked him down. Shane collapsed on the other side, and he found himself with two sets of arms around him. The stress of the last few days, coupled with relief and the acceptance he felt blasted through any barriers he might have liked to maintain. He broke down. He wasn’t alone though. The three of them held onto each other tightly, healing tears shared among them.  
  
“It’s gonna be okay,” Sara murmured reassurance. “We’re all gonna be okay…”

 


End file.
